strength not my own...carry me through

Carry Me Through (Dave Barnes)

There's a mountain
Here before me
And I'm going to climb it
With strength not my own
He's gonna lead me
Or the mountain beats me
Carry me through
Carry me through

There's a river
Here before me
And I'm gonna cross it
with strength not my own
He's gonna save me
Or the river takes me.
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
Help me in.

Oh Lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

There's a sinner
Here before me
And I'm gonna give them
Strength not my own
He's gonna carry me
when I get weary
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
And help me in

Oh lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Carry me through

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Lord Sweet Lord
Carry me through.

Soaking wet... and refreshed

This morning was a wonderful reminder of why I'm working so hard. Of why school is worth so much effort and time and energy. I shadowed a physician at the clinic in Como this morning, and it was so much fun. Time flew by, and I honestly think I learned more during those few hours than I had all semester in clin med. And hopefully, we made an impact on those individuals and families who came. I hope they saw Christ and his love and compassion in our actions.

One of the last patients we saw was a mother and her daughter. The mom spoke broken English and the appointment progressed with her sharing little information. We went through her basic blood chemistry with her and then asked if she had any other concerns or questions, really trying to figure out why she had come in. She hesitated but finally started explaining something to her daughter in Spanish. As I caught bits and pieces, I heard her say "doble vista" and at that point interjected (in very broken Spanish, mind you) to ask about that. When she realized that someone on the "medical team" spoke her language, she started to really tell us her story and what was going on. It amazed me at how much of a wall a language barrier really is. It also makes me all the more anxious to learn Spanish better and practice more and more.

Thanks for the encouraging morning, Lord! And thanks for the rain (as we were waiting for the shuttle, the heavens openned up and soaked all of us!).
Now, back to studying. :)

Walk By Faith

I left Arkansas this morning, not knowing when or even if I'll get to go back. It's hard to believe four years have gone by, but it's true. Undergrad no more; I have a BS in Chemistry from Univ. of Arkansas, and God has clearly told me to move on to a new place. It is time to step out in faith, into days ahead of so many unknown details - where to live, what school will be like, who friends will be, which church I'll be a part of...I could go on and on and on. But, hallelujah, there is no need! My only need now is to be disciplined in trusting in and seeking after the Lord. He already knows how every single detail will play out. What an incredible truth to rest in!!

A Day in the Life...

What a blessing today has been! I have been shadowing my Dad's college roommate and staying with his family. Although the day was long, I definitely saw a different side of family practice than I had seen in Ft Smith with the other doc. Today, I saw what kind of doctor I want to be. One who speaks truth, who will pray with patients as God leads, who will take opportunities to tie faith to the healing process, who is patient and kind and gentle with words yet stands firm in speaking truth.

It has also been so encouraging to hang out in a home with a family. There are six kids in the family and there is never a dull moment. Except for 6 a.m. when only the parents and I were awake. Those quite moments were the first truly quiet moments I'd had with the Lord in too long. It was so peaceful. It was raining outside, and I just spent time praying over a cup of hot tea and bowl of granola.

Random thoughts
1. iPod touch - would probably be a good investment? The doc today pulled up a medication function through an app on his. Graduation present perhaps?

2. Summer goal - read a book each week this summer
(This week's book: Three Cups of Tea)

3. Start running/biking/walking or something consistently. Think about all the weight-related health problems that plague so many people - and for the most part, that is preventable with good diet and exercise.

4. Learn to cook - veggies and protein especially!

5. Quote from "Prayer is better than sleep" from the hazzan (call to prayer in Islam) - how much more true is that in our lives as followers of Christ?!

Being watchful

C. H. Spurgeon
________________________________________
"Blessed is he that watcheth."—Revelation 16:15.
"We die daily," said the apostle. This was the life of the early Christians; they went everywhere with their lives in their hands. We are not in this day called to pass through the same fearful persecutions: if we were, the Lord would give us grace to bear the test; but the tests of Christian life, at the present moment, though outwardly not so terrible, are yet more likely to overcome us than even those of the fiery age.

We have to bear the sneer of the world—that is little; its blandishments, its soft words, its oily speeches, its fawning, its hypocrisy, are far worse. Our danger is lest we grow rich and become proud, lest we give ourselves up to the fashions of this present evil world, and lose our faith. Or if wealth be not the trial, worldly care is quite as mischievous. If we cannot be torn in pieces by the roaring lion, if we may be hugged to death by the bear, the devil little cares which it is, so long as he destroys our love to Christ, and our confidence in Him.
I fear me that the Christian church is far more likely to lose her integrity in these soft and silken days than in those rougher times. We must be awake now, for we traverse the enchanted ground, and are most likely to fall asleep to our own undoing, unless our faith in Jesus be a reality, and our love to Jesus a vehement flame. Many in these days of easy profession are likely to prove tares, and not wheat; hypocrites with fair masks on their faces, but not the true-born children of the living God.

Christian, do not think that these are times in which you can dispense with watchfulness or with holy ardour; you need these things more than ever, and may God the eternal Spirit display His omnipotence in you, that you may be able to say, in all these softer things, as well as in the rougher, "We are more than conquerors through Him that loved us."

Help me be watchful and disciplined and steadfast in seeking after you and you alone!

My Before and After

Such a sweet song that beautifully describes the gospel - sinful man separated from Holy, loving, just God. Jesus solves the problem of separation with his life, death, and resurrection on the cross (and all by God's plan and unbelievably wonderful grace). And our response to this incredible gift - "stepp[ing] out of the tomb," we turn from searching for satisfaction in temporary stuff to following Jesus and finding eternal satisfaction now.



Before and After - Jimmy Needham

I said you gotta leave, You gotta promise me
It's the begging of my end, You gotta promise me
How can a Holy God renew a wicked Pharisee
I'm saying I'm like Peter in the boat so just depart from me
It seems I'm destined for doom like ancient prophecy
And in the dark I'm consumed, it's just too much for me
With sin in full bloom, my gloom booms by the full moon
And I'm thinking to myself "how can you rescue me?"

My before and after
I can't but sing
My before and after
I'll sing praises to my King
My before and after
Here's the anthem, let it ring
One love, two arms, three scars
Draw us to where You are
No one is too far for You to save a heart

Then in the darkness of this room You snuck up next to me
You put Your hand upon my wound and whispered "rest in Me"
And there I stepped out of the tomb and into destiny
The rest they say is history
Your grace is such a mystery

My before and after
I can't but sing
My before and after
I'll sing praises to my King
My before and after
Here's the anthem, let it ring
One love, two arms, three scars
Draw us to where You are
No one is too far for You to save a heart

I got a name change
And that's the strange thing
'Cause I was once stained
But now I'm called saint

Joy and Sorrow

Matt Chandler -
"Sometimes God will break your fingers to get your hand off of what will harm you."

JI Packer -
"And still he seeks the fellowship of his people and will send them both joy and sorrow to detach their hands from the things of this world and attach them to himself."

Follow up from Sunday's message about the Sabbath at UBC.

All I Know

All I Know
Matt Wertz

I don't know how the stars hang
Or how there's night and then there's day
I don't know how you spoke into the black
And made it all obey

All I know is the bleeding in my heart
And the healing in your touch
All I know is that you gave everything
So let that be enough
'Cause it's all I know

I dont know how your love works
How you cover me in grace
I dont know how you swallow all I am
When I can't stand my taste

All I know is the bleeding in my heart
And the healing in your touch
All I know is that you gave everything
So let that be enough
'Cause it's all I know

I can't explain your mystery
But I know the answer

All I know is the bleeding in my heart
And the healing in your touch
All I know is that you gave everything
So let that be enough
'Cause it's all I know

That's all I want to know. All I want to be focused on: "that you gave everything" and I'm covered by your grace and held in your hand God. "So let that be enough," remind me how infinitely beyond sufficient you are! In a time as busy and emotional as this, you are the source of everything (anything) good and in complete control of everything. "I can't explain your mystery/But I know the answer:" the Cross.

Amos 1-4

God detests Israel's sin and is very clear that he will enact judgment because of it. Because they are his people. There is no special pardon for them simply because they are the people God has chosen. Therefore, God is still righteous and just, holding all of humanity to the same standard (his perfection).

People group: Arabs in Yemen. Poverty. No Bible. A few believers.

Do all things without grumbling...

Philippians 2: 12-15

¹²Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ¹⁴Do everything without complaining or arguing, ¹⁵so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe...

One way to make the gospel beautiful is to "do everything without complaining or arguing." And I living this way is simply being obedient to God's word. It is cool that in this command we can see why God might call us to do this (i.e. to put the gospel on display to a lost world). It also gives us insight into the world around us. It is "crooked and depraved," and we are called to be "blameless and pure." We are called to image God's holiness rather than the lostness of the world.

So this is my challenge this week; to do all things without complaining or arguing (ESV - grumbling of questioning). The only way I can do this is with divine strength, meaning it is only possible (and entirely possible) because I've been saved by the blood of the Lamb.

One month left

There is one month left of the school year.
Four weeks of classes before finals, four weeks of being a college senior...and I could go on and on and wallow in the numerous "last things" that will fill the coming weeks.
But in the end of that train of thought, I'm still sitting here with projects and reports and readings and presentations to work on. That train of thought (self pity) is so tempting; I would be lying if I said it wasn't. BUT, I have been reminded of the greater purpose behind school: glorifying Christ and keeping my focus on the cross. No matter what I have to do or what the next few weeks hold, my purpose doesn't ultimately change because Christ doesn't change. My biggest challenge/goal is not making a grade or finishing a paper; it is loving God and honoring people (to paraphrase Piper)- being a light to those around me because of what Christ has done in saving me.
Because that is the overarching purpose in my life, I know that no matter how busy the next few weeks are, how hard the good-byes are, I am safe in the arms of my Savior.

The Greatest Cause

"The greatest cause in the world is joyfully rescuing people from hell, meeting their earthly needs, making them glad in God, and doing it with a kind, serious pleasure that makes Christ look like the Treasure he is." - Piper in Don't Waste Your Life

Joyfully rescuing
Meeting earthly needs
Making glad in God

and doing this with joy and contentment and satisfaction and so many other characteristics that fill our lives because of what Christ has done on the cross and that glorify Christ.

This is what life is about! (Haha, it's also really similar to glorify, treasure, and reach.)

"With a thankful heart"

That's the descriptive instruction for the tempo and tone of one of the songs we're playing and singing on Easter Sunday, "With a thankful heart."

There is so, so much to be thankful for. God's provision and answers to prayers has been incredibly vivid and tangible lately.

• A wonderful car for a friend, which is an answer to many months of prayers
• Overwhelming prayer support and financial provision for the trip over spring break. It has been an amazing blessing to connect with people I haven't heard from in years and to hear their encouraging words
• Time and energy to get school work done, especially this thesis that has been a two-year project
• Acceptance to just one medical school...which is close to family and potentially the best school for the type of medicine I feel called to practice
• Freedom and peace. Each day living more in light of the sufficiency of the cross and less focused on the fading "goodness" the world offers. Even when I have struggled with thoughts of worry or jealousy or bitterness, God has taught me that asking why I'm struggling is the wrong response. Instead, he calls me to cast all my cares on him. To rely on him. To rest in his arms, his plan, his provision, his sufficiency. Simply put to rest in Him. That's quite possibly the best advice I've ever been given.
  

Waiting made beautiful

From "Streams in the Desert" for today:

Thou hast made waiting beautiful; Thou has made patience divine. Thou hast taught us that the Father's will may be received just because it is His will. Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own.

Give me this Divine power of Thine, the power of Gethsemane. Give me the power to wait for hope itself, to look out from the casement where there are no stars. Give me the power, when the very joy that was set before me is gone, to stand unconquered amid the night, and say, "To the eye of my Father it is perhaps shining still." I shall reach the climax of strength when I have learned to wait for hope. --George Matheson

Life over the past few weeks have seemed like a holding pattern. I'm just doing what I need to do for school to get through these classes so that I can finally "land" and get on with life. But what am I missing in this perspective? Yes, there are some big details of the next chapter of life that I don't know about, but that is no reason to live differently. Even when I assume to know what the next year of my life will be like, I really have no idea nor do I have as much control as I think I do.

So what do I do now, today, this week?

Work heartily in whatever I have to do (homework, thesis writing, having coffee with friends, driving...whatever!) because I am working for Christ and not for man. Colossians 3:23-24

Trust in the Lord...

Delight yourself in him and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust him, and he will act...

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him... Psalm 37:3-7

There is a desire in me to be married someday, and while I am waiting and trusting the Lord, part of that process is guarding place in my heart from bitterness, jealousy, anger, doubt, and especially from anything that wants to occupy that place that is not what God has intended. Bitterness and anger at a person I thought was right - block by surrender, taking every thought captive, laying each in God's hands and dwelling on his truth. The same goes for doubt, specifically replacing each doubt that God is holding out on me with the truth of his love and joy and promises for eternal life (Psalm 139, John 15, Psalm 19). Jealousy at a friend or roommate's relationship - PRAY! Pray for that person, that relationship. Prayers of thanksgiving and praise. Focus on God's grace and blessing.

And in all this, there is freedom and waiting is made beautiful.