Thankful

1. Warm, sunny days in November
2. Companionship - both the Lord's and the relationships he provides this side of heaven
3. Family who love Christ
4. Family who love to laugh
5. Food, delicious food
6. Music to listen to, to play, and to sing
7. Dogs
8. Jesus - without whom none of these others would matter
9. Prayer
10. Peace
11. Joy - the right to choose joy as a child of God
12. Blankets and quilts
13. Jackets and coats
14. Coffee
15. Peppermint-mocha creamer
16. Pumpkin pie
17. Teddy bears
18. Computers, email, and even facebook
19. my car
20. the ability to run
21. the freedom and safety to worship in public
22. resources to pay for an education
23. biochemistry
24. airplanes
25. college
26. Bible
27. how the Bible is consistent and interconnected and teaches me something new each day
28. parents who love each other
29. examples of working marriages around me
30. God's protection - especially when it comes to my heart lately
31. God's provision with respect to medical school applications
32. doctors to operate on my eyes
33. my sight and all my other senses
34. supportive family
35. friends that challenge my faith, press me closer to Christ
36. sigma phi lambda
37. BCM
38. UBC
39. Hunter's Glen
40. moving to Plano
41. going to school in Arkansas
42. knowing how to speak and write English
43. sunrises and sunsets
44. twinkling stars in the sky
45. the beauty of a snowflake
46. autumn leaves
47. saving faith
48. His grace and mercy
49. building sand castles
50. the One who holds tomorrow (and the faith to trust him)

Psalm 84:11

Life is not about me
but oh, how selfish I can be

Conclusions and assumptions and expectations
I make
Without the facts
With somewhat less reality to back
these thoughts.

Your timing is not mine
What a blessing
and a challenge to my selfish nature
to wait
to submit
to rest in His arms and His plan.

Slow down those anxious thoughts
take them captive
let truth triumph and saturate those
quick conclusions,
deceptive daydreams.

By focusing on them, I am living as if God is holding out on me,
as if something else that I can manipulate is better.
Psalm 84:11 "...no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
1 John 2:15-16

Running at sunset

I love running at sunset. It has to be one of my favorite things this side of heaven.
Tonight, I ran the normal route. It rained, well more like poured, earlier, and the clouds were still hanging around. There was a clear horizon though, and as I ran back toward the west, the sun shone brilliantly. The clear sky wasn't blue, it was yellow, full of glowing sunlight. Running in that direction, the bright light dominated the sky, making everything else nearly disappear. Everything else paled in comparison. That is what focusing on Jesus is like. He's beautiful, irresistible; he's blinding yet comforting and inviting.

Another observation: after the sun sinks a little lower in the sky, the clouds really start to reflect its light. They take on orange, pink, yellow, and golden...beautiful hues of a sunset and such a contrast to the drab, gray clouds. That's us! Before Christ, we are drab, dead. We look no different from the world around us. With Christ in our lives, we shine because of him, for him! There is a beautiful and noticeable difference.

A Sweet Note

From a friend that is truly a gift from above:

Dear God:
The girl reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe.
Love you Girl!!!!

paciencia

I'm learning patience.
Being patient is incredibly hard. It involves significant trust and deep surrender, yet in the midst of it, I find incredible contentment. Rather than fearing the unknown, there is certainty in the middle of dreams and desires. Not that they will necessarily come true, but that the One in control will ultimately bring about the greatest good.
And so far, good things have come in waiting. Peace. Contentment.
And just a reminder, waiting is not passive. No, it is a daily sometimes momentary battle of mind and heart, of earthly and divine wisdom. In Christ though, the battle is won and the ending sure!

"No, no. There is the hope of someone else."

There is a time for everything under the sun. This is the time of life when lots of friends are getting married. But not everyone. What a lie I would believe if I held a pity party under the assumption that everyone was in a relationship and getting married and happy as can be. At the same time, I desire to be desired as I see these precious friends being loved and treasured in these relationships. So the real, daily struggle is what I do with this desire. God is in control of this, just as he is in control of every single detail from heartbeats to weather patterns to the protection and worship of believers in closed nations. Therefore, this desire does not rule; any earthly fulfillment will not satisfy me nor bring any lasting contentment. So when this desire threatens to overwhelm me, threatens to make me despair, I will remember my King and my Lord, my Pursuer and my Savior. This desire of mine pales in comparison to the Lord's desire for a relationship with me.
Psalm 34:8, 18
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 23:1-3
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

No such thing as figured out

It seems like every time I have a plan, I am settled on a decision, something else comes along and causes me to rethink my decision. I had honestly thought I was ok with not meeting a guy in college and had settled into the idea of moving back to Texas to pursue medical school and possibly, hopefully love. I also knew that it was possible that God's plan for me did not include marriage, an idea that I was not fond of but also needed to keep in mind. And here I am, a few months later and looking at the same future with a changed perspective. Arkansas has become my home over the past two months more than I could have ever anticipated. In fact, it's a bit unsettling how Plano has become the place I grew up rather than truly home. And I met someone. Great. Scary. Exciting. A whole new demension to my life and thoughts. We are simply friends, so I am extremely unsure how much to let this new development influence my perspective. It is frustrating and confusing, but I keep coming back to one passage: Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. God is never not in control. He works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. In Isaiah (41:10), he says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I have and still am learning to trust in the Lord and not in myself, to rest in all aspects of his character, to live dependent only on Him because apart from him I can do nothing. It's a good thing the Holy Spirit in me is greater than things in this world.

Never Alone

My head and heart are in different places again.
As I watch friends being pursued by great, Godly guys and start romantic relationships, it is an honest struggle to be happy for them. I had a hard time with it today, so I went for a run. Sunshine, park, watching dogs. That always helps dissipate some anxiety. After my run, I stopped and just poured my heart out to the Lord. And I realized that I have been believing a huge lie from Satan. My logical response to looking at these friends is to compare their circumstances to mine, and the conclusion that leads to is that I'm alone. What a lie! I'm never alone. Jesus says he is with us always. He has given us a Helper to live inside us. God is omnipresent, meaning all of him is everywhere, all the time. I don't even pretend to understand that, but nonetheless, it is completely contradictory to Satan's lie and completely true. There is power in that.